Because asking someone their favorite Trader Joe’s snack feels more vulnerable than a first date.
So, I just moved to New Mexico… and let me tell you, being a grown adult in a brand-new place is humbling. One minute you’re unpacking boxes, the next you’re Googling “how to make friends without looking desperate.”
It’s not like when we were kids ,back then, friendship could bloom over a shared Capri Sun and a trade for the sparkly pencil grip. Now? Now there are work schedules, social anxiety, and the weird pressure of not sounding like you’re trying to recruit people into a cult when you ask if they want to hang out.
Sure, there are clubs and Bumble BFF meetups. But let’s be real: the real connection happens in the unexpected, unscripted moments. And since I preach communication like it’s a religion, here’s how I’ve been going about it:
I talk to people.
Awkwardly.
Often.
With way too much honesty and just enough charm to get by.
Go to places in your area that actually interest you! You’re way more likely to find people with similar vibes when you’re doing something you genuinely enjoy. Lucky for me, my #1 personality trait is living at coffee shops and romanticizing my life. So naturally, I started there.
I walked around Main Street like I was in a coming-of-age movie, headphones in (but only one earbud, because I’m terrified of being kidnapped, and went into every café that gave off a good vibe. Not picky , just looking for decent coffee and people who don’t think eye contact is a crime.
Hot girl tip – if you’re new somewhere and mildly terrified of small talk:
Ask your barista to make you their favorite drink. For real. Say something like,
“Hey, I just moved here and wanted to try this place out — what’s your favorite thing to make?”
Then, this is key ,ask for local recommendations.
Where to eat, hike, chill, vibe. People love giving tips about their city.
And don’t forget to introduce yourself and get their name too. That tiny exchange turns you from “random customer” to “that cool new regular.” Suddenly, you’re not just another face , you’re someone they might say hi to next time.
Boom: familiarity unlocked.
Here are a couple people I’ve met so far:
- Joshua, the barista at this little indie café who made me a cucumber lemonade and then gave me a list of his favorite restaurants and places that get the busiest. He also told me about an open mic night in the area, apparently, people read poetry while sipping on 9$ espresso every 3rd friday of a month .AND his mom has the same name as me!
- Angelina, who was sitting next to me journaling. I complimented her stickers (because, yes, I’m 21 and still obsessed with stickers) and we ended up talking about graphic design and highschool for 40 minutes. She invited me to a spring market happening in 2 days. TBD if it’s a cult or a life-changing event, but I’m going. AND i invited her to my online book club!
Unfortunately, I haven’t found my new ride-or-die bestie just yet. But I have found a couple of sweet humans, some amazing coffee, and the confidence boost that comes from simply trying.
Making friends as an adult isn’t easy. It’s basically speed-dating without the romance — just the same nerves, weird pauses, and hope that someone thinks you’re cool enough to text later.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: connection doesn’t always start with a deep conversation. Sometimes, it starts with a sticker, a random drink order, or a “hey, I’m new here.”
Say hi first. Be a little awkward. Ask about the local hikes. Tell someone their tote bag is cute. Invite them to your book club, even if you’re not sure they’ll come.
Because yeah, it’s vulnerable. But it’s also kind of magical. And hey! at least we’re not trading pencil grips anymore.
Love, P
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