hey gals,
this one’s a little different. the regular friday post is still coming, but think of this as a bonus.
i’ve been pushing myself out of my comfort zone a lot lately and honestly? it’s kinda draining. i’m really proud of what i’ve done, but i also feel… weirdly naked.
the best way i can explain it is being 13 at a public pool in a tankini shivering while you’re looking for your goggles and the cute lifeguard is right there. or like when your nipples get hard in the middle of a class presentation and someone says “must be cold” (ptsd). it’s not your fault no one should make it weird but it’s still so awkward. that’s exactly what this feels like.
i keep reminding myself why i’m doing this why it’s worth it and that i actually am likable. because posting something online where people can really read it? terrifying. i can’t hide behind my wattpad handle anymore. it’s like publicly admitting i wrote those raunchy fanfictions.
(sorry dad. everyone knows now that you sold me to one direction. iykyk)
the words that follow are personal but maybe they’ll resonate with someone or at least remind you to see the good in yourself too.
Reflection:
i’m kind of all over the place which honestly feels like my superpower. i can cosplay fratboy like nobody’s business rocking that laid back slightly goofy energy that somehow just works. but don’t be fooled i’m also the girl who devours corny romance novels with a giant smile and every now and then i dive into a mind bending thriller or a total mind fuck just to keep things spicy.
balance is important to me so i make sure to sneak in a good self help book here and there (totally join my book club if that sounds like your vibe lol).
i’m serious about the gym but my discipline in other areas does not always line up and i’m building new habits to fix that. i can admit i’ve been getting better but let’s be real we were not winning before.
and even though i am the biggest self love cheerleader comparison hits me like a bus filled with cement pretty frequently. so i’m using this platform to help me with that because it forces me to get real raw and vulnerable. people are different and that is okay.
Sometimes i feel like social media has this sneaky way of making you want stuff you never even wanted in the first place.
so yeah this is me awkward all over the place trying to figure it out one day at a time. Its exhausting but its so so worth it. and if you’re feeling the same way you’re not alone (literally text me). we don’t have to have it all together to be enough or to succeed.
thanks for coming along on this hot mess express with me. let’s keep it real keep pushing and remember that the only person we really have to be better than is the person we were yesterday.
catch you in the next post.
love,
p
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